The Biggest Loser

The biggest loser is the woman who loses all of the preconceived standards and notions about what makes a great woman and what makes a great mother. She loses all the "shoulds" and "you gotta's" and she breaks the damn rules! Some people are already shaking their heads and squinching up their faces; ready to stop reading. Deuces! Because the truth is undeniable. 

What I know as fact and have seen time and time again is that, as women, we are taught to sacrifice our happiness for virtually everyone else's. We are people pleasers by nature. In fact, one of the greatest injustices of the world is the thought pattern that leads us to believe that loving ourselves is selfish. And it's ingrained so far down in our psyche that we believe anything else is a lie. We die a thousand deaths with the belief that we are the low man on OUR OWN totem pole.  So much so that when I suggest to women that they treat themselves with the same loving attention that they would treat a small child, they look at me like I'm crazy. Very often, they tell me that I'm crazy and ask where are they supposed to find time to do that. They stay mired in debt because retail therapy is the only way they get any satisfying pleasure. Their relationships suffer, their love life suffers, their balance is completely thrown off. 

Let's look at it this way. When you take care of you, you make it possible for you to serve others. Loving who you are, with all your faults is the first step to living a full and fulfilled life. Unfortunately, what we do is we feed ourselves just enough to keep going, saving our energy to fight everyone else's fights, to solve everyone's problems and help build everyone else's dreams. Then we rationalize in our heads how that's the way it's supposed to be because that's the way it's always been. 

Listen, there is no question that for the vast majority of us, our children come first; that's fair and it makes perfect sense. So it stands to reason that we aren't going to do anything to hurt them. Taking care of us will not harm our children. It may require that they spend a extra time with dad, or a sitter or their grandparents. But the fact of the matter is that the best thing we can do for our children is to let them see us being whole and happy adults. That way, when they mimic us, they can copy the habits of a well adjusted adult living a fulfilled and satisfying life. Because seriously, how can you teach your child to be happy, healthy and whole when you're broken, busted and disgusted? Exactly! You can't. 

So don't be afraid to be a loser. As a matter of fact, revel in it. Because by virtue of being the biggest loser, you and your children ultimately become the biggest winners.

Believe That.

Peace.

Two Fingers. One Love.

Inner Peace

In light of Robin Williams' apparent suicide two days ago,  I feel compelled to complete this post that I started quite a while ago.

Often I ask people what is the one thing humans can't live without? To which I get several different answers; air, water, love, food,  Google, etc. For the most part, these are all good answers, but there are people who can attest to how it possible is to live, even if only for a short while, without each of these things.

But in my living and all my studies, there is only one thing I've found that people can't live without for even for a second, and that is HOPE. 

                                           When the world says, "Give up,"

                                      Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

                                                                       ~Author Unknown

Hope is that feeling that if you can stand it a little bit longer, something might happen to ease your pain or fix what's wrong in your world. It's that tiny belief that even as bad as things may be right now, better days are coming. And sadly, when people have no hope, they can't find a reason to keep living. When studying the suicide notes left by the vast majority of people who took their own lives, the resounding theme throughout is the utter hopelessness and despair felt that led them to end their own lives.

Depression is real and it's not discriminating. It's not a funk or a rut. It's like a never - ending, profound sadness. Often it does not have a root, not tied to any specific issue or concern. Being rich and famous does not exclude one from the torment and pain in their minds. Being me did not exclude me; I remember those days well. So I can say what I say from a place of experience and love, having had the fog lift to be able to see clearly. Having hope gives you a fighting chance. And that hope is just like the Bible says about faith, you only need a tiny bit,  the size of a mustard seed. A microscopic feeling that (as my grandmother used to say) it may not be right, but it's all right.

                                       "Hope is the feeling we have that the      

                                        feeling we have is not permanent." 

                                                                  ~Mignon McLaughlin

Hallelujah!!!

That's why it is important to me to inspire and be inspired by others. That's also one of the main reasons that it's essential that we be mindful of how we treat others. It's why I pray and mediate every day and why I promote peace, compassion and self -love. Why the main theme of my practice is to believe in someone until they are ready and able to believe in themselves. Because NOTHING TRUMPS INNER PEACE!  You can have everything, or you can have little, no matter. But if you don't have that contentment in your heart, that belief that no matter how bad it seems right now, a blessing is right around the corner with your name on it, often you don't have the will to keep going. I found my inner peace and I'm never letting go.  I wish the same for you; right now. Today. Blessings.

Until next time.
Peace. Two fingers, one love.

I'm Not Your Superwoman

The idea of the “Superwoman” is one of the few concepts that transcends ALL race, class and economic distinctions. In a survey I conducted with women across the country, the one thing that the vast majority of them had in common no matter where they were born or raised, how much money they had, how old they were, etc. is that they were all expected by their families and by society to “take care of things.” They had all been taught either specifically with words, or through actions or most importantly, by watching the other females in their families, that the woman is the one who holds it all together; who sacrifices herself for the greater good.

The best lesson we can learn from this is that women are made extra strong; able to handle much more than the average person, but... But we still have a responsibility to take care of ourselves and give ourselves permission to live and love our lives. We also have a responsibility to allow others the space to grow without us making all of their decisions, correcting their mistakes and taking the blame for their bad decisions. It is how the world balances itself out and it gives everyone the chance to learn to be accountable.  Superwoman should be a superhero, much like Batman and Superman and Wonder Woman. Girlfriend, take the weight of the world off your shoulders and live your life. It's time.

Super and a woman but not your Superwoman!

Til next time.
Peace.
Two fingers, one love.

How To Change Someone You Love

As soon as I stop LMAO, I’ll tell you that you can’t change someone you love; except for yourself! You are the only person who you have the ability and the right to change. Anyone else that you’d like to change would probably like to change you as well, because if you see something in them you don’t like, it’s probably the same thing they see in you that they would like you to change. And how do you feel about someone wanting to change you?

When we learn to love people in spite of and not because of, we will be well on our way to getting along in the world with people. We love people, but we wish they didn’t this and they weren’t that and they didn’t have these things but they do and they are and they have them. So the heck what? Deal with it OR get the hell out of their lives. We want people to be what we want them to be before we can love them. We pass judgment and offer “advice” about how they can be better, or different, or like us. We have some fricking nerve!! Unless the people you want to change are criminals or a physical danger to themselves or others, let ‘em be, let ‘em be, let ‘em be, let ‘em be.

Until next time. Peace. Two Fingers, One Love!

Technorati Tags: change,others,self-love,self,love,changing others,control,attitude,actions,judgment

Grown Folks Business

“A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.”

                                                                              -Dale Carnegie

This is a life lesson. You can’t change the mind of grown folks. If they’ve decided something is a fact, no amount of your argument will make them see reason. Even if it is something that you know for absolute certain, you cannot change how someone accepts or responds to it. Most often, people do not like the truth. As the character said in “A Few Good Men,” they can’t handle the truth! It usually takes the facts smacking them in the face and even then, some folks will still disagree. Or for many people, it is that they know everything and you don’t know what you’re talking about. Say what you need to say then get the hell out of the way. Don’t go back and forth trying to bring them over to your side. Not only for your sanity, but also so that you’ve done what you should have done to try to help them, to warn them, to educate them. No matter how serious or trivial, you cannot change someone’s mind who’s decided something is true and despite your best efforts, some folks have a need to learn things the hard way. When and if they ever figure out that you really knew what you were talking about, they’ll either acknowledge it or they won’t but it shouldn’t matter to you either way. You simply had a job to do and you did it. Say your piece and pray they get it.

Thank God It’s Friday!

There was a time when I used to wish my life away. Every Monday morning without fail would find me doing my “I can’t wait til Friday” chant. And not that I was excited for Friday to come because I had some great elaborate plans. Just that I wanted to get through the week and get to the weekend. The only problem with that is, there are a lot of days, hours, minutes between Monday morning and Friday at quitting time. That is a lot of time to be miserable, bored, unhappy, unfulfilled, melancholy, (i think you get the picture). It took me quite a bit of time to realize that I was wasting a lot of my life, just wishing it away. And not a good waste like in Otis Redding’s “Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay,” or Brad Paisley’s “Time Well Wasted,” when I’m just enjoying the quiet.

Well now I know better and I thank God for Friday and Monday and Wednesday and Sunday nights, etc. But I do just happen to be excited about this weekend. I have some great planning that I need to do and some writing I want to do and some time with my man planned. I have basketball games with the little kids and church early Sunday morning and some cleaning that I’m going to get done. That’s a lot of stuff that’s going to happen in the next couple of days and I’m sure it will spill over into my week but that’s ok. Cause it is only on Fridays that I get to really say, (deep breath here) THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY (exclamation point!!!) ENJOY!!

Until next time.

Peace. Two Fingers, One Love.

A Different World... Poverty pt. 2

A good friend of mine recently asked a question on his Facebook page. He asked his FB friends what they think it will take to stop the senseless black on black crime in our communities. People had some really good responses for him ranging from more police to better education to more community programs to better parenting to eliminating poverty. For sure, those things really need to happen to fix what's wrong in the "hood." But those things individually won't work and quite possibly all together may not work. Why?

Because there's something that will have to be understood and subsequently addressed by those involved in order for things to change. There is a MENTAL POVERTY that exists in the hood; a ghetto attitude and culture that has to be overcome before any of those other things will make a difference in large numbers. Our families have fallen under the rule of a new master; black media (or more accurately- white media perpetuating black stereotypes.)  It is teaching us how to be black and we are paying rapt attention. We are proud to "be" ghetto. We speak the language they tell us, wear the clothes they tell us, eat the food they tell us- all because they know there is nowhere for us to go by doing those things. It's actually a very successful (albeit detrimental) system.

The 40 year war on drugs is also a major player in the reasons the black community is in such dire straights. Between the users and the sellers, the community is full of junkies, prisoners, ex-prisoners, and gangs which leads to most of the senseless black on black killings. Once we can address these man-made issues, there won't be a need for more police, education will once again become a cornerstone of the black family, the black family will once again become the cornerstone of the black community and young folk will begin to attend the hundreds of community service programs that already exist. The village will FINALLY be in full effect.

Until next time.

Peace. Two fingers; one love.

Poverty (A 3-part Series)

Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty, knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor. James A. Baldwin

It is forever unfortunate that where poverty is concerned, the cycle is continuously passed on from one generation to the next. And it is a mean cycle too. We have taken “ghetto” and turned it into a persona with positive connotations. There is no longer a desire to do better; to be better. The future is no longer considered a place where we can live the American Dream. There is no real understanding that other folks don’t endure the often deplorable conditions that we do.We treat our history as if it should be kept secret; denying it as much as or maybe even more than those who continue to oppress us. We accept dumbed down education from dangerous failing schools and we rarely even excel at that.  We look forward to buffoonery like Madea and Brown, gangsta rap and violent video games. We have succumbed to poverty; not only in it’s physical state but sadly, in its’ mental state as well.

Why? What’s going on? Let’s talk about it! Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon…

Until next time.

Peace. 2 Fingers. 1 Love.

Technorati Tags: poverty,poor,ghetto,american dream,blacks,inner city,generational

Awareness 101

Usually, when we think about changes in our lives, we want to feel the ground shift or see bright lights flash to get the feeling we've had a monumental breakthrough. I grant you, you will have aha moments along the way. Sometimes you may even feel the light bulb click on but very few of us have so much changing to do that the ground needs to shake. For me, as I started to become more aware of myself, there was a gradual shift in my thoughts and actions and one day it dawned on me that I was calmer, I was making better decisions and was  less reactive to outside stimuli- and believe me, I used to have an explosive temper.

As a result, I slowly found myself being happier- just happy for no reason. Even though I was not yet in my dream job, I wasn't miserable at my current job. I started savoring my time with my kids as opposed to trying to live vicariously through them. I stopped worrying about if I were making my boyfriend happy and began to look at if he was being good to me and if we were in the same relationship. I stopped wondering so much about what people thought about me; how I looked, what I said, what I did, and started doing what I wanted to do because I wanted to do. I no longer felt like I had to 'put up' with people with whom I had toxic relationships  or who were rude or unappreciative. I reevaluated those relationships and choose to keep the ones that were worthy and salvageable and I discarded the rest. I stopped looking at my finances and my health as something that is nice if you can maintain it and I finally stopped wishing my life away.

As I began to learn to care for myself and take care of myself, I started realizing several things.

(1) That with the exception of young children, I don't owe anyone my life. That said, I resigned my position as CEO of People Pleaser Academy

(2) That it is detrimental to expect other people to consider my well-being more important than their own

(3) That other people are responsible for their own happiness

And (4) That life really is for living.

Slowly but surely I realized that I had to stop taking life for granted. All I can control is my actions and my attitude. I have a purpose. And only then did I finally start taking positive steps toward living MY life.

Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel compelled to revert to my people pleasing ways. But as I fight the urge, I do a lot of things because I really enjoy doing them or I know they need to be done and I don’t mind doing them. But every day is also another chance to get ir right. So I’m living in this moment right here right now because it is what I have. And I am enjoying every minute of it!

The Greatest Love Of All

When I was coming up, my family was a traveling choir. My mom was the director and my siblings, my cousins and I would go to different places and perform. The Greatest Love of All was one of the songs we used to do. We learned it from the original George Benson version which was no less beautiful but a lot less flashy; so more than just singing this song, we got a chance to really understand the lyrics. Through this song, we learned so much about believing in ourselves and having faith in our abilities.

This needs to be a theme song for getting our future back on track. Today’s rap and pop music are almost as bad as drugs in your system; mind and mood altering and very- extremely- especially dangerous. (I have very strong opinions about this) And we as adults are failing to teach young folks their history, their culture, or our values. They are being habilitated by angry, disrespectful music, violent video games and reality shows that should really be nobody’s reality. As a result many, many young people are growing up without a strong sense of right and wrong, no belief in themselves and little hope for the future. It is a truly tragic time.  

The Greatest Love of All was actually co-written by a woman battling breast cancer. The song describes her feelings about her challenges, her strength and her legacy. It is about responsibility to younger generations. For our part, we are failing to do our job so young folks are failing to do theirs and with catastrophic results. My heart is breaking for these children. We’re all wondering why they are so violent; so indifferent. This is what I’ll tell you. You can live for a time with no food; for a shorter time with no water and an even shorter time without air. The one thing that you can’t live for one second without is HOPE, and these young people have very little hope for their future. Folks, this is one thing for which there is no government bail-out. It is time for us to stand up, stand strong and stand together to teach our children well. Let's teach them love and respect. Responsibility and self-confidence. Give them hugs and discipline. Give them faith; give them hope. Help them to believe in themselves. They have so much to live for. 

PS- Whitney should have watched this video every day- just to remind herself that , “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” She might still be alive today.

4 More Years

Enough said!

Perspective

The beauty of me is that I learn from everything. For me, anything and anyone can be a teacher. For that I am grateful. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in who is teaching that we miss the lesson.

My lesson for today family is about perspective. Lots of time we want nothing more than to only hear what we want to hear, those things that confirm our beliefs. It is where clichés like, "Speeches only reach those who already know," and "Preaching to the choir" come from. They are for the most part very true. When we read, we read writers whose views and opinions mimic ours, what we watch, listen to, and follow all represent people and things that we already believe to be correct. We are often not willing to look at things from others' perspective. Perfect FB example is a friend "liking" Mitt Romney's page. UPROAR!! SCANDAL!! But- you can only decide what you know when you know all the sides; or what you're up against; or what's within your control. Otherwise you are following things for the wrong reasons; because everybody else is, because your parents did, because it's popular.

Putting things in perspective is about examining what you know and why you know it, what you believe and why you believe it. It is about growing as a conscious human being not just accepting everything you've been taught since forever. Keeping things in perspective is about being mature enough to take 100% responsibility for your life; your health, your relationships, your emotions, your career, your finances, your habits, and your spiritual beliefs. It necessitates that you take a good, hard look at yourself, realizing the person you are and then deciding on the person you want to become. None of us are perfect. We’ve got work to do. #getbusy

Til next time. Peace. Two Fingers, One Love.

Technorati Tags: blacks,woman,perspective,inner city,scandal,work,health,relationships,teacher,lesson,perfect,responsibility,emotions,reasons,control

POLITICS - SCANDAL

I must say; even as I consider a run for public office myself, I do not envy politicians. Especially in this day & time. With corruption all around us, a floundering economy and overall apathy for the plight of our fellow Americans, people aren't looking for leadership or even a handout, people are looking for a savior. And sadly, I honestly can't say that I blame them.

A lot is wrong in America and unfortunately, much too often the focus is on all the wrong things. Take for example all of the financial scams and scandals we've been subjected to in recent years. From Enron to Fannie Mae to the housing crisis to Bear to Madoff to LIBOR. Even the Penn State scandal, seemingly more about money and a legacy than saving young boys from a merciless predator. It is just a neverending litany of foolishness. And  you'd best believe we haven't seen the last of bank and big business manipulations or missing brokerage house funds.

Your best bet since you have to live in this world is to learn everything you can about how the game is played. You can't afford to stand back and hope for the best, thinking the President and the rest of the liberals are gonna look out for your interests. Government is simply not ready to deal with this yet. I believe it would mean pointing fingers at too many of them and quite possibly a fallout the likes of nothing we've ever witnessed. Because let me say this... There was a time, in my lifetime, where if you wanted to be rich, a politician was the last thing you wanted to be. Much like teachers and nurses and psychologists and others in helping fields,  there was very little money.  Well, they certainly fixed that! Public servants no more; the vast majority of them currently serve their own best interests, so the likelihood of them really dealing with the issue is slim-to-none. Best get busy looking out for yourself.

An Attitude of Gratitude

People are miserable. They love it! They complain, complain, complain. Bring the rain down HARD right on top of their heads, then look for somebody to blame. They think everyone is out to get them; think people are mean to them for no reason not realizing that people are responding to their upleasantness and no one wants to be around them. I know for me, I try to keep my positive force protective shield around me. Some people are so sour though that they can pierce right through it! It’s so sad that they don’t realize that life is like a boomerang and that whatever they load up on it is definitely coming back to them. If you load it up with good actions and good a good attitude, you’ll get them back. If you load it up with bullsh*t, it’s coming back to slap you in the face.Then you’ll really be sh*tfaced. LMBO!

What I’ve learned is that if you carry with you an attitude of gratitude, just being thankful for what you have instead of complaining and worrying about what you don’t, it’ll make your journey a lot more enjoyable. People think gratefulness is a weakness. They see it as settling for less. In actuality, it is the mere act of applauding the fact that it’s as good as it is (because it could certainly always be worse) and acknowledging an appreciation for what you have as you work towards other things you may want. If you don’t have an attitude of gratitude, let me know. I’ll tell you a few places where you can go and pick one up!

Til Next Time.

Peace- Two Fingers. One Love!

Technorati Tags: attitude,gratitude,misery,grateful,positive,acknowledgement

One Moment In Time

I gotta tell you- every time I hear a Whitney Houston song, I’m reminded that Whitney is really dead. And it’s so terribly tragic because she really had so much life in her. I feel so bad for Whitney because she had everything; I mean everything that most people dream of having: beauty, incredible talent, money, family. It just doesn’t get much better than that. Except for all intents and purposes, she did not seem to have self-love.

She was one of America’s sweethearts. She had a golden voice - probably the best in generations. She was a beautiful young lady. She had more money than she could spend in a lifetime. But none of that was enough to make Ms. Houston love herself. Whatever battles she was fighting, she was fighting them against herself, and sadly, she lost.

Whitney only needed to know that it was okay to be as good as she was. She needed to be able to comprehend that she wasn’t a diva because she was Whitney Houston. She was Whitney Houston because she was a DIVA – a Divine, Inspirational, Victorious and Awesome woman. Unfortunately, it is never enough to have someone that loves you tell you that you’re good. It is not enough to have large numbers of people admire you because you’re good. You are good enough when YOU BELIEVE you’re good enough! Whitney needed to have that one moment in time where no matter what anyone else thought of her, no matter what her weaknesses were or what she perceived them to be, no matter if she had one fan or one billion, she wholeheartedly loved and accepted herself.

Here’s to you Whitney!

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

Until next time. Peace- Two Fingers. One Love!

Technorati Tags: love,self-love,whitney,houston,believe,moment,time,battles,diva,good,weakess,acceptance

Let It Rain!

Today, it is pouring down raining. I mean it is throwing down outside and I am working in it. I am sopping wet! It is early in the morning and by all accounts, I should be disgusted, aggravated, and a little down. A lot of us react to rain that way. I know I used to. While I still consider a rainy day good sleeping weather, I also regard it as a beautiful day. It keeps people indoors, washes away a lot of the filth, and makes me feel like the world is working the way it’s supposed to.

The other thing about rain is that it reminds me that “Into everyone's life a little rain must fall.” For a lot of us, the same way we react to rainy days is how we react to the problems in our life. When the problems come, we get all gloomy and take it personal like how dare a problem land on our shoulders. What we really have to do is understand that sh*t happens. Some days it is our turn to get caught in the rain. It's not personal. But we are so hung up believing that life is supposed to be perfect. We can only be happy when the sun is shining and everybody loves us and there's money in our pockets and everything is going EXACTLY the way we want it to. Then and only then is all right with the world! Get over yourself...

The rain comes to make us appreciate the sun. It comes to help food and flowers grow. Sometimes it comes because we've sent a shuttle into space. In our personal lives, the rain usually comes as a direct result of a decision we made or didn't make. We decided to do something because it felt good, or to make someone else suffer, or because we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and now here come the consequences. Instead of dealing with them and learning from them, we blame and hide and lie and cry. But if you were big enough to do what we did, then you're big enough to pay for it. Sometimes the lessons you can learn through the storm cannot be taught any other way, the message not understandable by any other means. The rain helps us grow, and hopefully get smarter and stronger.

Let it rain! Let it rain! Let it rain!

Children Learn What They Live- updated

There is a wonderful poem that is often on placed on posters, postcards and wallet cards. A book was even written to expound on its’ virtues. It’s called “Children Learn What They Live” by By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. It begins:

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

and ends with

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

If you’ve never read it, Google it and read the entire thing. It’s pretty profound. It was written back in the 60’s and is awesome for the people living in privilege.

The only problem is, where it relates to some other real life families, it just doesn’t go deep enough. For example, the real life poem should read:

Children in Poverty Learn What They Live, too.

If children live with lawyers, they learn their rights under the law and how to defend themselves.

If children live with teachers, they learn a desire to teach others.

If children live with a doctor, they learn compassion to want to take care of others.

If children live with financial experts, they learn to earn and take care of their money.

If children live with military personnel, they learn what it is to defend one’s country.

If children live with positive adult mentors, they learn self-confidence and respect for themselves and others.

If children live with parents who are caring and compassionate, who work every day to take good care of them, but who are not making anywhere near $200,000 a year (which we keep hearing is middle class), who are raising them to be stand up citizens, they learn to be like their parents, running the rat race, living from paycheck to paycheck, trying to make ends meet.

If children live with parents who are caring and compassionate, who work every day to take good care of them, but who are not making anywhere near $200,000 a year (which we keep hearing is middle class), who are raising them to be stand up citizens, but who are surrounded by knuckleheads, they have a bigger struggle on their hands, not only to make ends meet but also to not fall prey to the peer pressure of being a knucklehead.

If children live with parents who believe in them, they learn to believe in themselves and plan for a successful future.

If children live with parents in poverty who believe in them, they learn to believe in themselves but will rarely afford the opportunity to escape poverty.

If children live with parents who don’t work, because they understood it from their mother, who understood it from her mother, who understood it from her mother, who understood it from her mother, etc.to get pregnant young to get assistance with finding your own apartment, food and a little money, they generally continue to perpetuate the cycle.

If children live with crackheads, they learn to do crack and every which way to get their hands on some money to support their habit or get a food because who knows where the next meal is coming from.

If children live with drug dealers, they learn to deal drugs, to buy a bunch of material goods with the money they get, and to always look over their shoulders.

If children live with prostitutes, they learn America’s oldest profession.

If children live with gang bangers, they learn to protect their turf by any means necessary.

If children live with family in the projects, they learn how to survive in the hell; just not outside of it.

If children live with molesters, they learn to live in constant fear, they learn to lie to cover up the molestation, and sadly, they learn to molest.

If children live with people who allow them to listen to gangster rap, they learn to disrespect women and the law and that there is loyalty in death.

I could go on because the cycle is vicious and so many families are caught up in it. It pains me how people of privilege pretend not to know the effects of being raised in abject poverty and how easy it is for them to look the other way. Then when I say something like, “This is how the system is designed,” people want to label me a conspiracy theorist, like I’m being unpatriotic for telling the truth. But I have the audacity to believe that if people knew more about the real causes of poverty and about these circumstances that perpetuate it, they might begin to gain empathy for and a real understanding of how everyone DOES NOT have the same chance to make it in America.

Inner cities are almost like third world countries right here in the grand old U S of A. And while I am certainly a firm believer in the idea that it doesn’t matter where you come from, that you don't have to become a product of your environment and can become a success; I am honest enough to recognize that it is much easier said than done. And if I want to be totally honest with myself and everyone else, I'll admit that it's also highly unlikely.

Til Next Time. Peace- Two Fingers. One Love.

 

Technorati Tags: children,learn,live,poverty,life,inner city,privilege,failure,system,conspiracy,empathy

Privacy Policy?

I am truly appalled by the things that have fallen by the wayside. Things like respect for elders, good customer service, common courtesy and not only privacy (with big brother watching) but the lack of the desire for privacy.
I am always amazed by how much of their private business people are willing to share as they walk down the street. Between cell phone conversations and FB, people have NO PROBLEM letting the world know about their relationship issues, family fights, body art & piercing (even in private places), bounced checks and foreclosures, pregnancies, abortions and sexually transmitted diseases. It appears they're all waiting to be discovered by some reality show producer who happens to be passing by or browsing. And then they say something really outrageous, so much so that you can't help but to turn and look at them like WTH? and they look at you like "mind your business!" What?!? Don't you realize you idiot that you made it my business even though I wanted nothing to do with it. Don't you know I would really have preferred not to know that you were getting your "goodness" pierced? Or that your mama slept with your man? Or that your boss made you stay late and redo the report that he messed up, and then took credit for your hard work? Sometimes, one has to look just to see what kind of idiot shares that private information with anybody in earshot. 
All day every day, we are subjected to underwear and crack (a**), tits, belly buttons, camel toe and if we're really lucky we'll see a hint of the goodies. And FYI: There's no need to share on a social network that you just came out of the bathroom and you now feel 10 pounds lighter. Our privacy policy is nonexistent. There is nothing sacred or restricted. Seemingly, our personal business is public record. It's the weirdest phenomenon. We are walking reality shows! And I think we have crossed a line and there really is no going back. Like Larry Niven said, “I do suspect that privacy was a passing fad!”
Til next time,
Peace- Two Fingers, One Love.

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Darkness

After all I've been through, all my learning and teaching, and all my studying of the mistakes of myself and others, I find that I am still able to be shocked. Admittedly, there isn't much that surprises me; between the Bible and Dr. Seuss, I know a lot
what people are capable of (good and bad). But every now and then something slips through the cracks.

I am a black American.
It's true.
And no one else can know what that feels like except another black American.
I am happy, relatively healthy and arguably wise, but there is an ever-present dark spot on my soul. It won't go away. No matter what I do or how hard I try I can't seem to get rid of it. I suppose it matches the darkness in the fabric of America.  Whenever I think about the FACT that no matter how hard I work, how good I am, how rich I get, in these United States (and beyond-ask Oprah), I will still be black; translation- not good enough, criminal, uneducated, poor.

I write for me; to record my thoughts and opinions. I share for my people. Just in case something I say can have a positive effect on someone's attitude or actions. Folks get angry at me because I'm not a fan of Tyler Perry media, I dislike Little Wayne and Grand Theft Auto and I'm slow to forgive the likes of racists, greedy businesses and criminal politicians that rape America for profit and the NRA. We want to give everyone a pass on their bad behavior but it has to stop somewhere. Enough is enough.  As I watch a whole generation of young folks head down the drain, we have to consider the effects of all of this negativity and hatred.

So it saddens me to admit it but this spot exists in my soul. I fill it with flowers and sunlight and then I walk in a store and salespeople follow me around watching me or I drive through some towns in my properly insured, registered car and get followed by the police to the city limits. I cover it with candy canes and Hershey kisses and then I hear that there were 500 murders in Chicago last year.

I am tolerant. I teach tolerance. But I am tired. I just want a fair shake; a chance to be judged and rewarded on the merits of what I do and what I know. I want my children and your children to want more; to understand where we've been and how much further we have to go and to keep closing the gap. We all rushed excitedly to put President Obama in the White House and then we turned our collective backs on him when we realized that he couldn't wave a magic wand and make hundreds of years of oppression go away.  So I keep fighting- with education and self-awareness, hope and always love. It's not a fair fight considering what I'm up against but I don't let that deter me. I am committed to living in an America where being black is not a disadvantage.

Until next time.

Peace. Two fingers, one love.

From Here to Eternity

To me, the fact that the Trayvon Martin murder has Americans lined up on opposite sides of the race line instead of on the sides of right or wrong, is a pretty clear indication that this black and white issue will never go away. It will last from here to eternity! When a man with a gun kills a teen without one, not because he has done something wrong; raped, killed, beaten, or robbed someone, but because he is walking around looking about; a “coon;” a black kid who sadly just really happened to be in the right place at the wrong time (the wrong time being when George Zimmerman decided that because he had a gun he had the right to confront, harass, and ultimately kill the young man.) Then in another travesty of justice, the police in Sanford, Florida released the killer with no charges, no toxicology tests, AND with the murder weapon. Justice in this case is such a distant concept.

So, the ONLY good thing that can come out of this Trayvon Martin tragedy is that people become more aware of and sensitive to the effects of racial profiling. I can't even begin to count the number of stores I've walked out of because some clerk followed me around like I'm a thief. I can’t describe that jumpy feeling I get when a cop car gets behind me. I'm a licensed, registered, insured driver who obeys traffic laws and that still DOES NOT give me peace. I hate that feeling! It's a terrible thing to have to go through that day in and day out. The only people who know what it feels like to be black are Black people and now it's time for Blacks to stand up together and in one voice say "No More!" 400 years- still not free. This should not still be happening in America. The only thing we can't help being is black... It is also the one thing I don't want to help being. I'm black & I'm proud!!!

Until Next Time.

Peace. Two Fingers; One Love!

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