Usually, when we think about changes in our lives, we want to feel the ground shift or see bright lights flash to get the feeling we've had a monumental breakthrough. I grant you, you will have aha moments along the way. Sometimes you may even feel the light bulb click on but very few of us have so much changing to do that the ground needs to shake. For me, as I started to become more aware of myself, there was a gradual shift in my thoughts and actions and one day it dawned on me that I was calmer, I was making better decisions and was less reactive to outside stimuli- and believe me, I used to have an explosive temper.
As a result, I slowly found myself being happier- just happy for no reason. Even though I was not yet in my dream job, I wasn't miserable at my current job. I started savoring my time with my kids as opposed to trying to live vicariously through them. I stopped worrying about if I were making my boyfriend happy and began to look at if he was being good to me and if we were in the same relationship. I stopped wondering so much about what people thought about me; how I looked, what I said, what I did, and started doing what I wanted to do because I wanted to do. I no longer felt like I had to 'put up' with people with whom I had toxic relationships or who were rude or unappreciative. I reevaluated those relationships and choose to keep the ones that were worthy and salvageable and I discarded the rest. I stopped looking at my finances and my health as something that is nice if you can maintain it and I finally stopped wishing my life away.
As I began to learn to care for myself and take care of myself, I started realizing several things.
(1) That with the exception of young children, I don't owe anyone my life. That said, I resigned my position as CEO of People Pleaser Academy
(2) That it is detrimental to expect other people to consider my well-being more important than their own
(3) That other people are responsible for their own happiness
And (4) That life really is for living.
Slowly but surely I realized that I had to stop taking life for granted. All I can control is my actions and my attitude. I have a purpose. And only then did I finally start taking positive steps toward living MY life.
Every day is a struggle. Some days I feel compelled to revert to my people pleasing ways. But as I fight the urge, I do a lot of things because I really enjoy doing them or I know they need to be done and I don’t mind doing them. But every day is also another chance to get ir right. So I’m living in this moment right here right now because it is what I have. And I am enjoying every minute of it!
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