Darkness

After all I've been through, all my learning and teaching, and all my studying of the mistakes of myself and others, I find that I am still able to be shocked. Admittedly, there isn't much that surprises me; between the Bible and Dr. Seuss, I know a lot
what people are capable of (good and bad). But every now and then something slips through the cracks.

I am a black American.
It's true.
And no one else can know what that feels like except another black American.
I am happy, relatively healthy and arguably wise, but there is an ever-present dark spot on my soul. It won't go away. No matter what I do or how hard I try I can't seem to get rid of it. I suppose it matches the darkness in the fabric of America.  Whenever I think about the FACT that no matter how hard I work, how good I am, how rich I get, in these United States (and beyond-ask Oprah), I will still be black; translation- not good enough, criminal, uneducated, poor.

I write for me; to record my thoughts and opinions. I share for my people. Just in case something I say can have a positive effect on someone's attitude or actions. Folks get angry at me because I'm not a fan of Tyler Perry media, I dislike Little Wayne and Grand Theft Auto and I'm slow to forgive the likes of racists, greedy businesses and criminal politicians that rape America for profit and the NRA. We want to give everyone a pass on their bad behavior but it has to stop somewhere. Enough is enough.  As I watch a whole generation of young folks head down the drain, we have to consider the effects of all of this negativity and hatred.

So it saddens me to admit it but this spot exists in my soul. I fill it with flowers and sunlight and then I walk in a store and salespeople follow me around watching me or I drive through some towns in my properly insured, registered car and get followed by the police to the city limits. I cover it with candy canes and Hershey kisses and then I hear that there were 500 murders in Chicago last year.

I am tolerant. I teach tolerance. But I am tired. I just want a fair shake; a chance to be judged and rewarded on the merits of what I do and what I know. I want my children and your children to want more; to understand where we've been and how much further we have to go and to keep closing the gap. We all rushed excitedly to put President Obama in the White House and then we turned our collective backs on him when we realized that he couldn't wave a magic wand and make hundreds of years of oppression go away.  So I keep fighting- with education and self-awareness, hope and always love. It's not a fair fight considering what I'm up against but I don't let that deter me. I am committed to living in an America where being black is not a disadvantage.

Until next time.

Peace. Two fingers, one love.