One Look Back

I am a very forward thinking person. I have learned (often the hard way) that it is not always helpful to analyze why things are they way they are. It IS important however, to understand mistakes so that we can learn to avoid them in the future. This post is our one chance to look back at where we’ve come from and see why we are where we are. I’ll even allow room for us to assign blame – JUST THIS ONCE! – for BS situations we find ourselves in. Then it is Solution Time; the time where we determine how to get from where we are to where we want to be. Ready? Okay, let’s go!

Everything that we have experienced to this point has made us into the people we are today. We have learned things both consciously and unconsciously. Conscious learning is when someone sets out to make sure we understand the lesson; like when we learned that the stove is hot or how to balance on a bike. Unconscious learning comes from watching people around us and learning how to react to certain situations based on how they reacted. That is like if our parents hated to take medicine, we might also learn to hate to take meds or how since my older sister was allergic to and therefore afraid of cats, it made me afraid of cats and subsequently my daughter is now afraid of cats. No one ever said, “Be afraid of cats,” but that hasn’t stopped the fear from carrying from one generation to the next. If you’ve ever wondered why cycles repeat themselves, that explains it. Kids are mimics. It’s all we know. By the time we are 8 years old, we have already learned nearly 75% of what will shape our actions and reactions as adults. Imagine that- much of what we do today is based on a child’s understanding of things!

Now what happens as a result of that is that we learn good things that keep us safe and make us wise. But what also happens is that we learn a lot of bad habits that often have nothing to do with anything but that keep us stuck as adults. Things like being put down by parents or teachers because we weren’t good in school which creates a fear of failure, witnessing drug/alcohol use or being picked on by other kids (ugly, bad breath, fat, poor, etc. – Kids can be sooo mean). Things like watching our parents duck bill collectors so hello bad credit, bad intimate relationships that makes us question our judgment or teaches us distrust, getting into abusive relationships because our mother followed in her mother’s footsteps and put up with men who beat her, and even OR ESPECIALLY running the rat race – ie. we get up and go to work every day at a job we hate, struggle to pay bills, buy things on credit we can’t afford, and go to bed to get up and do it all again the next day because that’s what our parents did. And it’s not all their fault either. They teach us what they know based on what they learned from their parents, who learned it from their parents, who learned it…(I’m sure you get the picture). Every now and again, you get a person who challenges their upbringing and works against the grain to make other things happen, but unfortunately, that is the exception and not the rule.
As for our formal education, I’m smh (shaking my head). Don’t misunderstand me, I am a strong supporter of and believer in the importance of a good education. I’m smh because while we learn a lot of useful information in school, rarely are we taught subjects that prepare us for real world living. I can’t think of many days I’ve experienced as an adult where it was important for me to know how long the 12 years war lasted or what 2x+7 is if x is 13. Classes like Home Ec, Shop, Drivers Ed and First Aid Health, which have some real world relevance are the first to go in budget cuts. Very few schools teach subjects that are preparation for future living like finance, developing critical thinking skills, household/auto/childcare skills, strategies for success, anything about relationships or communication, or career planning- especially in the watered down inner city school systems.

I know I’ve given you a lot to digest today but what I hope this look back has done is shown you why we make some of the “jacked up” decisions we make. I will tell you though, that once we become adults, it is on us to fix it. Whatever skills, knowledge, opportunities we didn’t get as children is spilled milk and there’s no use crying over it. Where we are right now, with what skills we have or need, and the desires we possess are what’s important.  The onus is on us. Now is the time – this is the place. STAY TUNED!

Til Next Time… Peace- two fingers, one love!