I’m Not Your Superwoman

The idea of the “Superwoman” is one of the few concepts that crosses ALL race, class and economic distinctions. In a survey I conducted with women across the country, the one thing that the vast majority of them had in common no matter where they were born or raised, how much money they had, how old they were, etc. is that they were all expected by their families and by society to “take care of things.” They had all been taught either specifically with words, through actions or most importantly, by watching the other females in their families, that the woman is the one who holds it all together; who sacrifices for the greater good.

Nearly all of them could also finish the following statements with frightening accuracy. And for the most part, they all also admitted that they were already teaching or had taught many of these lessons to their children, suggesting that future generations of women are being conditioned to be Superwomen as well.

Sticks and stones may break my bones {but names will never hurt me} LIE!
Children should be seen {and not heard} What’s fun about that?
Big girls {don’t cry} OMG! No wonder women suffer such high rates of depression.
It's okay to talk to yourself {as long as you don’t answer} Well then what in the hell is the point?
Misery {loves company} Truer words were never spoken.

They also all knew that double standards exist for boys and men. And FYI- The term Superwoman can also be exchanged for “Good Woman.”

As women, we begin to learn at a very early age that we are supposed to be everything to everybody and then if there's anything left, we MAY be able to take time for ourselves. Our teaching and conditioning at every stage of development trains us to put others first and to take care of ourselves last. Now I want you to get a real clear picture of that- when is it that SOMEBODY around you doesn't need anything? Exactly- Never! (Which pretty much means there is no taking care of you.) There is always something to do, someone to help, someone who needs you to do something, etc.

We are even taught that we are better people for sacrificing our needs, wants, and desires to help others. It’s no wonder we rarely do things that please us, and that we feel guilty when we do. And while we’re at it, let me go ahead and point out how as women, we are usually the only ones making those sacrifices and how when we need other people, they are not there for us, have no problem telling us no AND will come right back and ask for our help again.

I can’t begin to tell you how long it took me to get past the Superwoman concept and live my life for me.  With the exception of young children, I don’t owe anybody anything. I’m not mean, I just realize that I MATTER! Understand that I’m not saying to you that we shouldn’t help others. What I’m saying is that we have options. Superwoman is dead! Don’t pass up doing what you enjoy so that others can do what they enjoy. By learning to say no, we begin to teach others responsibility and accountability. Let’s find other ways to get our daily fix of the joy that comes from feeling needed. Do something special for yourself every day. Be a “good woman” to yourself!

Take a listen to the Song of the Week, “I’m Every Woman.” I LOVE this song. Only problem is, the message is detrimental for women. Example- “I ain’t bragging, cause I’m the one. You just ask me, ooh and it shall be done. And don’t bother to compare. I’ve got it!” I listen to it, I jam to it, but I understand that it is pure entertainment.

Til Next Time... Peace - two fingers, one love!