The Inner-City Woman

Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies ( I borrowed that line from Nephew Tommy of the Steve Harvey Morning Show). Many women are living lives filled with drama and conflict and the never-ending feeling that they are missing out on something; that there must be more to life than what they’re living. We usually have to reach emotional bankruptcy or experience trauma or a life-threatening situation before we're willing to analyze what’s going on. (Humans are very reactionary people.) This particular post is to celebrate something that I think is so worthy of honor. You!
Ladies, life is all about balance. It is so important to learn how to focus on what’s important while realizing that we actually top that list. Usually, we make sure everyone else is okay and then we take care of ourselves but that is backwards thinking. We have to reverse that thought process if we want to have any hope of living an exciting, fulfilled life. All women are wonderful but the inner-city woman is phenomenal. We deal with so many different circumstances that other people don’t have to. Not many people realize how interesting our journey actually is. That got me to thinking about the struggle of women; especially minority women in the world today and everyday. And like with most things, once you’ve identified a problem, you have to work on a solution, so I pondered ways that we could begin to balance the scales.
What I’ve concluded is this. We can’t wait for “the incident” to occur before we begin to take notice of ourselves; our needs, our desires, our health. We are important every day. We are a priority. We have to begin to personify our gifts; to give life to all the things inside us that make us special but that we often take for granted and/or downplay so as to not stand out. We must take what we have and make it better, stronger, faster and we have to help each other. We have to work together to identify what inspires us; as well as what stands in the way of us living the way we’d really like to live. We have to explore our dreams and learn to deal with adversity. Then we must look at where others went wrong and devise a different path to take. We are going to fail, but then we’ll go back to the drawing board and try it again. We’re gonna build bridges, knock down walls and float on the life raft until we’re ready to fly. We’re gonna do it together, and then we’re going to go back and grab another woman by the hand and do it all over again.
Start thinking about your future. It begins today.
Peace- two fingers, one love!

Just One of Dem Days

Man! I just had one of those days when the Earth shifted on its’ axis and my common sense headed for the window. Thank goodness for prayer and meditation; which kept me from doing something stupid. I’ll admit though, it’s been a long time since I had to focus that hard to gain perspective. People just really know how to push your buttons though, don’t they?

I was just done; people acting up in the news, people acting up in my life. I was sick AND tired and when I get sick and tired of being sick and tired, I need a mental break. So when I’m having a particularly bad day or feeling a certain way, I tell people, “Today is not your day. It’s not your fault but I really need for you to leave me alone today.” I can’t be any more honest than that. I’ve given them fair warning. I’ve been doing that since I was like 12 years old because I know that on those days, I’m not myself and if you stay out of my way, you can avoid my wrath. I finally got my family to take me seriously, I explained it to my kids as soon as they were old enough to understand, to my partner on the 4th date, and to some of my friends. On those days I’m Kelly (yes I’ve named her) and as my friend Sam used to say “the sick, cynical bitch has entered the building.” He was absolutely right. (Note: I don’t use Kelly as a means to do things I wouldn’t normally do or to pass responsibility for my actions to someone else)

So anyway, back to my day. Nothing really Earth rocking happened but most of the time, nothing really bothers me. It’s a gift really, but I understand human nature and I realize that most people don’t even know why they do the dumb sh*t they do; they just do it. But yesterday was too much. I was just fed up with foolishness, pretty much from the human race (and the dog). My man said some stupid sh*t to me, my daughter was having one of her “me generation” fits, parents were behaving badly, I was getting the runaround about some important business papers I needed to deal with, it occured to me that I have 3 events scheduled for the same Saturday, my married friend is trying to convince me that I need him in my bed, I missed the deadline to pay my vacation deposit, Weiner was still texting pictures of his weenie to people, and that damn dog had wrapped his chain under the porch again. No one big thing, but a string of little things that were quickly adding up to a big one.

So knowing what I know, I paused for a little perspective. Understand this: Everybody has a breaking point, when they’ve taken as much crap as they can withstand and they snap. One of the great objectives of life is to learn to control that level; to never get to your breaking point cause it’s a funny thing about that straw that broke the camels’ back. It wasn’t just that one straw that was heavy enough to break his back but all the straws piled up underneath it. That was just the FINAL STRAW! And then the load was just too heavy for him. When you learn to put things into perspective, you can pretty much avoid reaching your breaking point (or snapping, or having a meltdown, or going crazy, etc.) So when I’m struggling to gain perspective and get back to my natural mental state where “nothing is a problem,” I ask people to back off. I say it really nicely but I really mean it. And some people don’t get it and they say, “What’s wrong with you?” Now I’m sure they mean well, but I try again, “Nothing’s really wrong. I just need to think.” And still they don’t get it, and they go, “You want to talk about it?” And this is adding to my frustration, but I say, “Not right now. I just need a few minutes alone to clear my head. But thank you.” But they don’t believe me damnit. They still think there’s something wrong and they gotta try to fix it. So Kelly goes, “Listen, this ain’t about you. I’m not mad at you. I have other things on my mind. It's just one of dem days. Don't take it personal." And instead of walking away like I’d hoped they would, they keep talking. And talking and talking until Kelly finally says, “Which language do I need to speak for you to understand what I’m saying? I’m having a rough day and I don’t want to take it out on you. Just back the hell off!” And they look at me like I’ve grown another head and walk away with an attitude. I should be the one with the attitude.

And I begin my prayers and meditations. I ask my god to smile at me. I ask the universe to straighten on the axis, I ask myself what’s really important. I ask my god to smile at me. I ask the universe to straighten on the axis, I ask myself what’s really important. As I meditate and pray, answers start to come to me. In the quiet, I can hear the words I need to say to my man in response to that crap he fed me, the actions I need to take to help my daughter with her understanding of the real world, additional ways to deal with parents for their kids’ sakes, who I need to talk to about that important paperwork, and how to find out if it’s really too late for the deposit and if I have to change my vacation where I could go all filter into my head. To my married friend, Kelly says not just no- HELL NO! End of story!! It also comes to me that there is absolutely nothing I can do about Weiner and his weenie and that the dog is a dog and I just gotta deal with it. The only thing I have yet to figure out is how to be in 3 places at the same time and since that’s not gonna happen, I know I have about a week to make a decision about where I’m going to go.

Oh what joy! The Earth is beginning to re-shift into its’ proper place.
My common sense is returning to my brain.
Thank goodness for prayer and meditation (and Kelly); they keep me from doing stupid things.

True Story!

Peace- Two fingers, one love!

Technorati Tags: perspective,love,change,weiner,vacation,mental,final straw,prayer,meditation

An MOU with the Community

I’ve been out of the blogging business for the past week because the Inner-City Woman has been dealing with problems that are plaguing inner cities everywhere.
It has finally stopped raining and it has gotten HOT outside. Over the Memorial Day weekend when we are supposed to be honoring and remembering the men and women who have died while serving in the United States Armed Forces, the heat brought with it the things that come with heat in the inner city. An increase in murders and shootings, nakedness, and mountains of ignorance. Last week, in our community, in the shootings of at least 15 people in the city, an off-duty police officer was the victim of a drive-by shooting. As with any killing of a man in blue (and as should be), an all-out manhunt began and one suspect was almost immediately apprehended. The other is still on the loose but I’m pretty sure they will catch him. There were two others wounded in the shooting  and my concern is that had an officer not been killed in the incident, the same gusto with which the suspects were pursued would not have been employed. Unfortunately, only high profile crimes (those that are real newsmakers) get that type of intense activity. But what I’m thinking is that if all shootings (even ones people feel were justified) were pursued with the same vigor, the itchy trigger finger syndrome would slow down. It’s too easy now to get pissed because someone stepped on your new white sneakers or spoke to your girl or even, as reported in this case, slapped your momma- and go “jack” a car and shoot up the joint because the stakes are not high. It doesn’t take much to cross the lines from at-risk youth to drug dealer, to gang member, to killer because there are not enough negative consequences to these actions.
What I propose is a memorandum of understanding (MOU) with the community; an agreement that says let’s work together to make our community livable. The MOU will recognize that everyone has something to offer. I't’ll say, “I’ll help your kid understand math and you can teach yoga at the center,” or “Let’s have a community clean-up and block party and basketball game,” or “If you do the crime, you will do the time.” The police and the community will have to address every issue because anything can become the first step that takes a person from a shooter on the basketball court to a shooter on a street corner. Whether it be the neighbor’s child or our child, we have to stand up for peace and justice. We have to go after every criminal, we can’t turn a blind eye at ANY foolishness. We have to keep our kids in school; keep them engaged in positive and interesting activity at all times. We have to stop looking at engaging them coming home from prison and work on the things that will keep them from going to prison. We need a networking system for parents, where they don’t just get food coupons and help with a heating bill, but real life skills so they can get a job with a real living wage; where they can get parenting skills that helps them prepare their children for success now and in the future. And we have to get some real training for these young people so they can compete for a real future. We have to have a positive message for our young people that doesn’t come from someone who only knows how to get money in the streets or have markings on his face labeling him as a killer (I don’t give a damn how much money he has). Let’s get it going in Newark and all over. It’ll be like the Declaration of our Independence and like John Hancock, I’ll have the first, largest, and most famous signature!

Peace- two fingers, one love!