The biggest loser is the woman who loses all of the preconceived standards and notions about what makes a great woman and what makes a great mother. She loses all the "shoulds" and "you gotta's" and she breaks the damn rules! Some people are already shaking their heads and squinching up their faces; ready to stop reading. Deuces! Because the truth is undeniable.
What I know as fact and have seen time and time again is that, as women, we are taught to sacrifice our happiness for virtually everyone else's. We are people pleasers by nature. In fact, one of the greatest injustices of the world is the thought pattern that leads us to believe that loving ourselves is selfish. And it's ingrained so far down in our psyche that we believe anything else is a lie. We die a thousand deaths with the belief that we are the low man on OUR OWN totem pole. So much so that when I suggest to women that they treat themselves with the same loving attention that they would treat a small child, they look at me like I'm crazy. Very often, they tell me that I'm crazy and ask where are they supposed to find time to do that. They stay mired in debt because retail therapy is the only way they get any satisfying pleasure. Their relationships suffer, their love life suffers, their balance is completely thrown off.
Let's look at it this way. When you take care of you, you make it possible for you to serve others. Loving who you are, with all your faults is the first step to living a full and fulfilled life. Unfortunately, what we do is we feed ourselves just enough to keep going, saving our energy to fight everyone else's fights, to solve everyone's problems and help build everyone else's dreams. Then we rationalize in our heads how that's the way it's supposed to be because that's the way it's always been.
Listen, there is no question that for the vast majority of us, our children come first; that's fair and it makes perfect sense. So it stands to reason that we aren't going to do anything to hurt them. Taking care of us will not harm our children. It may require that they spend a extra time with dad, or a sitter or their grandparents. But the fact of the matter is that the best thing we can do for our children is to let them see us being whole and happy adults. That way, when they mimic us, they can copy the habits of a well adjusted adult living a fulfilled and satisfying life. Because seriously, how can you teach your child to be happy, healthy and whole when you're broken, busted and disgusted? Exactly! You can't.
So don't be afraid to be a loser. As a matter of fact, revel in it. Because by virtue of being the biggest loser, you and your children ultimately become the biggest winners.
Believe That.
Peace.
Two Fingers. One Love.
